Dr. Neil's Notes
General > People
Out Of Office
This page contains a collection of Out Of Office Messages I have used.
They seem to amuse people.
I hope you enjoy them.
I am out until < insert day here >.
If it is not urgent send me email.
If it is urgent find another friend to help you.
I’m busy chasing my dreams. When I catch, and bottle them, I will return.
In the mean time, please contact one of the less dreamy members of the team, to help you with your reality.
Hugs and kisses
Like a repeating offender, I will be in and out for the next couple of days.
If you need help then please find a colleague doing a longer stretch of 'in'
My avatar is offline for an upgrade.
I am back on < insert day here >.
If it is not urgent send me email.
If it is urgent find another friend to help you.
I am currently out of the office, and I have no idea where I am. I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in a place with no signs of civilization. I only have a flashlight, a compass, and a half-eaten granola bar.
I am trying to find my way back. I am sure I will be fine. Unless I encounter a bear, a zombie, or a serial killer. In that case, I may not be fine.
If you need urgent help, please find a friend that knows where they are.
I am away in training for next month, which is a 31 day March.
If you need urgent help, please find a friend that is prepared for the coming month.
I’m on a top-secret mission to locate the mythical “Lost Wi-Fi Signal Island.” Rumour has it that the Wi-Fi there is lightning-fast and password-free. 🏝️📶
In the meantime, here are some alternative ways to reach me:
1.Carrier Pigeon: Attach your message to a pigeon and release it towards the nearest cloud. I’ll be waiting with my pigeon-to-English dictionary.
2.Smoke Signals: If you see smoke forming the shape of a smiley face, that’s me saying, “I got your message!”
3.Telepathy: Concentrate really hard and transmit your thoughts directly to my brain. (Disclaimer: My telepathy reception might be spotty.)
4.Emergency Contact: In case of urgent matters, please find a friend that is prepared for what you are asking.
Rest assured, I’ll be back in action on < insert day here >, ready to tackle emails, spreadsheets, and the occasional coffee spill. Until then, keep the chaos to a minimum (I will bring more chaos back later this week).
I have stepped through the looking glass into a strange and wonderful world. I am meeting many curious characters, such as the Red Queen, Humpty Dumpty, and the Jabberwock. I do not know when I will be back, as time works differently here.
The looking glass does not allow any communication with the other side. If you have an urgent matter, please contact one of the curious characters on your side of reality.
I hope to see you again in the real world, if such a thing exists.
The TARDIS console is currently in a state of delightful disarray, and I find myself swept away on a cosmic escapade.
Here’s the scoop:
Monday: I’ll be navigating the wibbly-wobbly corridors of the Time Vortex.
Tuesday: Ah, Tuesday—the day when Cybermen practice their synchronized moonwalk routines. I’ll be busy deciphering ancient Gallifreyan hieroglyphs.
In case of a time paradox or unexpected Dalek invasion, please follow these steps:
Activate the Sonic Screwdriver:
Point it at the problem and press the button. If nothing happens, try turning it off and on again.
Remember: Time is relative, and Mondays are particularly wibbly. I’ll be back in the present (or past, or future) soon, ready to unravel paradoxes, save civilizations, and perhaps grab a custard cream or two.
Until then, keep your sonic devices charged, your bow ties straight, and your fezzes fezz-y.
Yours in timey-wimey chaos,
After watching Oppenheimer I realized the mistake made, so I have gone back to try and fix it.
If when you read this only two A bombs were dropped and the Soviets did get information on how to build the A bomb, then my mission was successful.
In the meantime if you need any assistance please reach out to one of your helpful comrades.
See you on a day in your future.
I am not currently here in this timeline. I plan to return to your timeline by your < insert day here >.
If you need any assistance in the meanwhile, I suggest you reach out to one of your friends stuck in your current timeline.
Following some calculations I realize that Bletchley Park was very close to cracking the Enigma encryption much earlier than they realized.
If when you read this, the Nazi's lost the second great war before 1950, then I successfully corrected the off by one error they had overlooked in 1944.
If you need any assistance in the meanwhile, I suggest you reach out to one of your friends stuck in your current timeline.
’Twas out-of-office, and the emails flowed, In cyberspace, the messages glowed: "All mimsy were the inboxes bright, And the auto-replies took flight.
Yet if colleagues seek my wisdom’s light, While art away, in distant flight, Fear not to share thy knowledge vast, For they shall find thee, even in the Teams broadcast!
Return to slithy tasks that gyre and gimble in the digital wabe: All mimsy were the deadlines, and the memos outgrabe.
“Beware the Inbox Monster, dear sender! Its jaws that chomp, its claws so tender! Beware the Calendar Clash, my friend, And shun the Meeting Overload, attend!”
Thank you for your correspondence. I regret to inform you that I am currently experiencing a minor temporal anomaly. As a result, I find myself displaced from the usual coordinates, and I am unable to respond to emails in the customary manner.
Fear not, for there are many reliable colleagues to act as my temporal proxy during this peculiar interlude.
As for my anticipated return, I am confident that the fabric of time will soon knit itself back together, and I shall reappear at my desk on the morrow. Until then, I bid you adieu across the chronal divide.
Yours in temporal disarray,
Let us imagine that my absence draws nectar through the sieve of time, and hope without an object cannot live. All of nature seems at work, and yet there is a quietude in my absence—a stillness that echoes the distant waves of the sea.
If your matter is urgent, please contact one of the fantastical imaginative people. Otherwise, I will respond to your email upon my return, in the order it was received.
I am currently exploring the hidden realms of creativity, deciphering cryptic symbols, and communing with ancient spirits.
If your matter is urgent, please seek guidance from one of your cosmic colleagues, who resides in the interdimensional archives of Teams. Be warned, though, their answers often come in riddles and dreams.
Remember that reality is a fragile construct, and sometimes the most profound truths lie beyond the veil of ordinary perception. I encourage you to embrace the unknown, question the mundane, and seek inspiration from the chaos.
Good Sir or Madam,
Pray, attend to this humble epistle as I impart to you a matter of some importance. It is with a heart full of regret, yet with the spirit of adventure, that I must convey my absence from the usual place of correspondence and duty. For I am embarked upon a journey of considerable necessity, one that shall take me from the confines of my desk to the wide and varied expanse of our world.
Until the return of my person, I shall be wholly engaged in pursuits that, alas, prevent my attending to the missives and entreaties of our esteemed clientele. Fear not, for upon my return, I shall with great haste and renewed vigour address the matters which you have seen fit to entrust to my care.
Should your message bear the weight of urgency, I beseech you to direct your inquiries to my esteemed colleagues, who shall act in my stead.
I remain, with the greatest respect and anticipation for our continued correspondence upon my return,
Do not go gentle into that good inbox,
Emails should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good inbox.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
In the gardens of bright intellect where ideas in splendour bloom,
I shall not be found to answer emails, nor within the digital room.
For I have wandered through the meadows, under the watchful eye of the moon,
And in this time of quiet reflection, I shall return, but not too soon.
Yet should urgent matters call you forth, seek out my colleague's aid,
For they shall be the shepherd whilst I'm in the verdant glade.
Their wisdom and their counsel, a guiding lantern's light,
Shall lead you through the queries' maze, from morn till gentle night.
So send them your entreaties, and they shall take the helm,
To navigate the sea of work, in this temporary realm.
And when I return, refreshed from nature's bounteous feast,
Together we shall conquer the tasks, from the greatest to the least.
Should you seek me 'mongst the wires and screens, you'll find but a silent tune,
For I am away, where the Tyger's fire can ignite the afternoon.
Fear not, for I shall re-emerge from this tranquil, blissful swoon,
With thoughts anew and spirit refreshed, like the sun-kissed flowers of June.
So leave your message at the sound of the beep, and I will get back to you,
As I tread upon the clouds of rest, beneath the sky's vast, endless blue.
Oh, Traveler in the digital realm, hark!
Thou hast reached the abode of mine own work,
But alas, I am presently embarked
Upon a journey, where duties doth lurk.
In this sabbatical, I seek the muse,
As Lord Byron did in Grecian lands,
To return with vigor, and to infuse
New life into projects that demand hands.
Fear not, for I shall return anon,
With tales of adventure and renewed zest.
Shouldst thou require immediate action,
Pray, contact my colleague, who'll do their best.
Till then, I bid thee patience and grace,
For I shall soon return to my rightful place.
Thank you for your email. I am currently out of the office, immersed in the probabilistic realms of quantum physics, where my presence is both here and not until observed. I am on a mission to entangle myself with a ground breaking project that could potentially warp the fabric of our understanding of the universe.
Like a particle in a superposition, I will be in a state of 'email-reading' and 'not-email-reading' until my return on [Your Return Date]. Should your message require immediate assistance, please contact my esteemed colleague, [Colleague's Name], who is decidedly less entangled at [Colleague's Email].
Upon my return, I will collapse the wave function of my inbox and your email will be one of the first to be observed and responded to with the utmost urgency and clarity.
Cracking news, we're currently off on a splendid adventure, inventing new contraptions and chasing after a bit of Wensleydale cheese, no doubt.
If your message is as urgent as a runaway cheese wheel, do contact our trusty associates. They'll be sure to help you out with a spot of tea and a solution to your query.
Till then, keep those cogs and gears turning, and we'll be in touch faster than you can say 'Cheese, Gromit!'
Upon this dreary day, as I ponder, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, I find myself compelled to leave my desk, where no shadows lie, and venture into realms untold, where the raven's cry might soar.
Hence, I must inform thee, with a heart heavy and laden, that I am not within the bounds of my office chamber. Should you seek my counsel or my service, pray, do not despair, for upon my return, when the mists of time have cleared, I shall attend to your words with haste and the utmost care.
If your matter is of urgency, as dire as the beating of that hideous heart, you may seek my esteemed colleagues, whose wisdom and discretion are akin to Prospero's own.
Thank you for your missive. I am currently on the Path, seeking monsters, unravelling mysteries, and perhaps enjoying a tankard of ale or two.
During my absence, kindly direct your inquiries to one of your other noble colleagues. They are well-versed in the arcane arts of bureaucracy and can assist you in my stead.
Fear not—I shall return by the next full moon, or when destiny calls me forth from the tavern. Until then, may your quills remain sharp and your potions potent.
🌞 AUTO-RESPONSE ACTIVATED! 🌞
🥞🍯 “Captain Crunchy’s Crunchtastic Odyssey” 🍯🥞
🎈 I’m currently frolicking in the land of Marshmallow Meadows, doing somersaults with the Lucky Charms leprechaun and high-fiving Tony the Tiger. 🌈🌟
📧 If you need assistance, my trusty spoon (aka my inbox) will be checking in periodically. 🥄✉️
🌞 Remember: Life is like a bowl of cereal – sometimes crunchy, sometimes soggy, but always full of surprises! 🌟
🎉 Stay frosty, my friend! 🎉
I’m away, exploring the skies, Where azure meets clouds, and the sun never dies. My inbox lies dormant, like a slumbering stream, While I chase constellations in a cosmic daydream.
So if deadlines loom large, and memos persist, Fear not—I’ll return, with a sun-kissed twist.
Yours in celestial absence,
If your matter is urgent and requires immediate attention, please contact one of my trusty companions.
Remember, time is a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff, so I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Thank you for your message. I am currently following the interconnectedness of all things. Whether it’s tracking down a missing cat that holds the key to the universe or unravelling the mysteries of a misplaced sandwich, rest assured that I am fully immersed in the cosmic dance of cause and effect.
During my absence, I may be navigating through the occasional existential quandary. If your matter is urgent, please contact my colleagues, who are adept at handling the more linear aspects of reality.
I shall return with answers to questions you never knew you had and solutions to problems you never knew existed.
Until then, may the universe guide you in mysterious and delightful ways.
Greetings, Distinguished Correspondent,
I regret to inform you that I am currently away on a top-secret mission, orchestrated by none other than the Ministry. During this period of intrigue and adventure, I shall be unable to respond to your correspondence.
Fear not, for I shall return to the realm of the ordinary, ready to tackle any and all matters with the utmost elegance and efficiency.
Should your matter be of pressing importance, please contact a trusted associate, who will be more than capable of assisting you in my absence.
Until then, stay sharp and ever vigilant.
Created: August 10, 2024 05:41:27